Burning Bridges
by Ferowyn
Summary: Sinking Ships and Burning Bridges. Hermione has no choice.


This is my fill for the The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 7 (BellyBats Chaser 2)  
Prompts:  
_Sinking a ship - breaking up a romantic pairing you enjoy_  
"There's nothing good about goodnight when it means goodbye." (10), mysteriously silent (13) and "What are you smiling about?" (14)

(Hermione/Minerva; Character C: Charlie Weasley)

* * *

oOoOo

* * *

**Burning Bridges**

_„What are you thinking about?" he asks, eyes interested._

_You whip your head around, startled. "Business," you answer curtly._

_"__What are you smiling about__, then?" he elaborates, sighing._

_You are almost feeling sympathetic. Almost. Because you know, you are not easy to deal with, and it is not fair, never was, and still he is taking up with you and your orders again and again. "I am not," you say and feel the tiny smile drip from your lips like water._

_His eyes are softening. "Did you break The Rule again?"_

_You wish you could blush as a confession, or cry, or at least look away. Instead you are still staring at him, your eyes as emotionless as always._

_He sighs, rises and sits down next to you. Puts one arm around your shoulders and hugs you. "I wish I could help you," he murmurs while you try to make yourself feel something,_ anything_ by digging your teeth into your bottom lip._

_You do not answer, but then, you never do. Not when it is about emotions._

_After a few minutes he sighs, rises and leaves you to your thoughts. "I will get you a Dreamless Sleep Potion," he announces somewhere on his way towards the door._

_You wish memory charms were not illegal, or that you were not bound to the law. _

* * *

You love her.

It is as easy as that, while the whole affair is terribly complicated and forbidden.

You love her, and nothing will ever change about that.

* * *

She was your teacher, years ago, when the world was still spinning in the right direction and you were still able to suppress your feelings, and hide them.

It was easy then, even though a relationship would have been illegal.

Sometime, however, you graduated and easy did not last long.

Going into Magical Law Enforcement was as logical a decision as staying in touch with her, and all the flirting and the secret meetings that followed came on their own, until the two of you were in a secret relationship without ever really realizing going there.

You were happy, though, the two of you, despite the fact that Voldemort was still out there, and that everyone you cared about was in constant danger.

In the years to come you studied yourself through university, brilliant and eager as you were, and left with perfect grades and more chances than a witch your age could hope for. You took that job in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, quickly advancing until you were offered the position of a judge with the Wizengamot.

It was what everyone in your department dreamed of. Of course you accepted.

And made the biggest mistake in all your life.

The position included swearing an oath to the Wizard Law, binding your life and magic to all those rules the Wizengamot was setting and overturning. In the current situation that was perfectly fine.

However, not for long.

* * *

You are standing in front of the fireplace, fists clenched so hard that your knuckles are white and your fingernails drilling into your palms. The magical radio is telling the news, informing everyone about the changes, but you cannot hear it, you do not understand a word.

After all, that darkness in your magical core is much too distracting, binding you and trying to turn you into someone you never wanted to be.

You are fighting it with everything you have, everything you _are_, but you have nothing to offer in reply to a magical oath you have sworn years ago and poured way too much magic into.

Suddenly there are soft hands covering yours, trying to release the tension, but while you seem to be looking _into_ by now blind green eyes you are looking right _through_ them, unable to concentrate on her. Even your love for her is not powerful enough to help you overcome that darkness.

Gulping, you push the fight to the back of your mind, trying to concentrate on her instead.

You see the question in her eyes, but – thank Merlin – she stays mysteriously silent, does not ask. Only tries to be there for you.

You know it will not be enough.

* * *

You cannot believe you are actually doing this.

The darkness has won.

King Voldemort has the international magical community under his control now, along with the enchantments the magical law is bound to. You can do nothing but obey any of the rules he has set and linked to the enchantments.

Which is why you are here now, in Romania, waiting for him to answer the door.

You know how he feels about you, and that what you are doing here is really unfair.

You also know that it is your only option.

So, when he asks you in, delightedly, you smile at him and suppress the tears that are threatening to spill instead.

"Why are you here?" he asks, offering you a seat.

You gulp and bury your hands in the cushions of the chair. "You know about my job," you say, without an introduction "And you know about the current situation."

He flinches and his eyes are drawn towards your left arm.

"Not yet," you answer the unspoken question. "But soon. And then…" you sigh. "I know about your feelings for me." He flinches again. "So, I am really sorry for asking but… have you read through all of the new laws yet?"

He nods, slowly, and you can almost see him think beneath those soft red locks. You also see the moment he understands. "Marriage," he says, slowly. "With a pureblood. _Heterosexual_ marriage."

This time it is you who nods while you watch him avert his gaze, stare at the ceiling instead.

His jaw is clenched.

"You…" he gulps. "You… are asking me… to marry you… because you cannot be with Minerva… any longer?"

"Yes," you whisper. "Anyone else… could avoid it. Keep it a secret, have an affair. I cannot. I am bound to those laws, not only with my life – but also with my magic. If it were just about dying if I defy him I would gladly sacrifice myself, but I cannot. I cannot die, or denounce , he has made sure of that. My magic will force me to do anything he asks for, and I need someone _I_ chose to be my husband… someone who can keep the collateral damage of whatever he might make me do as small as possible."

You can see that you have convinced him.

He knows that this is not about love, or finding a loophole. It is the only solution either of you can think of, the only solution for a rebel who is forced to join the enemy's ranks.

"I will," he agrees. "I will marry you. When?"

"I am going to receive the Dark Mark in two days – we have to be engaged until then, and I have to… break up…"

Both of you look away.

"I will get a ring," he promises, "and organize everything for your move here. It should not be a problem for you to live within the reservation."

You want to object, but you do not. You know that he is right. It is best to keep you, and that marriage, and everything you might be able to tell him (things that could help the rebels, or save a few lives) away from England and King Voldemort's headquarters. After all, you are perfectly able to apparate.

So you answer "I will come here tomorrow evening," trying you best to keep any emotions out of your voice. "I will see you then. And…" you look him in the eye, holding his gaze. "I am sorry," you say, honestly.

His smile is crooked. "I know," he answers and you can hear the tears he is pushing back in his voice. "It is why I agreed."

For a few moments you are silent. "Thank you," you finally whisper and then you leave the house and apparate away, towards the old manor you have been living in and sharing with her for so many years now.

You walk into the lounge you know you will find her in, as well as you know that she is already awaiting you. She may blind by now, and almost deaf, but her magic is strong as ever.

_One last day and night_, you keep telling yourself._ I have to make it worth remembering. Something to hold on to, for both of us._

Because you know that you cannot tell her. She is old enough to avoid most of the new laws, and she could not read the pamphlets anyway. Also, she is not bound by the enchantments, like you are.

However, she is bound to Hogwarts.

And Hogwarts is bound to King Voldemort.

She may be able to deny King Voldemort passively – not marrying a male – but not actively. And having an affair with you, both of you being bound to King Voldemort in some way… would end with both of you being tortured into madness. Which can take very long in the wizarding world.

It is nothing you could stand being responsible for.

Besides, she needs her friends. Her family. The other rebels – the Order.

You know that you are going to lose all of them, including your two best friends who have stuck with you so far, no matter what, because of what King Voldemort will make you do – the mudblood figurehead, following every order. Due to a stupid oath.

So, you do not tell her.

Instead you push everything that is going to happen away and enjoy the night instead, and the following day – and when you lie down to sleep for the second time, her warm body next to yours, she kisses you gently and murmurs a soft "Good night", smiling.

"There's nothing good about goodnight when it means goodbye," you answer quietly, knowing that she will not hear you.

Then you watch her fall asleep until you know she is deep in her dreams, only to carefully crawl out of her embrace and the bed again, and to start packing.

You leave without looking back. There is no need to watch the bridges that you are burning.

* * *

The next day your engagement is all over the news.

As well as the fact that you have willingly received the Dark Mark, and are part of King Voldemort's Inner Circle now.

You know that people will not remember the fact that you do not have a choice, because they never do think clearly when it comes to the Golden Trio.

So you try your best to ignore the hate, and not to think about her.

* * *

Life goes on, though, no matter how much you would like it to end, and from time to time you allow yourself to watch her from a distance – watch her die.

You know she does not hate you, like all the others, and that her love has never ceased. Just like yours.

And it hurts like hell to watch her wilt away, but there is nothing you can do about it.

When she dies you know you would do anything in order to be able to attend the funeral.

But you cannot.

* * *

The day after she is buried you make it a rule never to think about her, or the time when you had been together, again.

Ever.

* * *

_You also wish suicide were not illegal. But it is, at least for you, and you are going to live as long as King Voldemort wants you to._

_You can only hope that he will not die before you, and leave you alone. He is all you have left._

_Because she is long gone. _


End file.
